Chapter One - Xander

Forever, that was what I intended on promising her. 

I wanted to spend the rest of my life showing her all the reasons and ways that I loved her. We had a plan. After the school year ended, we were going to spend the summer on the eastern shore. Because of our work schedules, a traditional honeymoon wasn’t possible. I mean, our time at my family’s timeshare wouldn’t have been a conventional honeymoon either. Her son was going to spend a month with us and then a month with his dad. We had it all planned out. I was ready to spend time with my family. The three of us had become the perfect family. I loved her son as my own. I intended to promise him forever, too. 

It sucks when shit doesn’t work out the way you expected.

“Are you sure you want us to tag along with you?” Bella, my sister-in-law, asked as I closed my trunk. 

I nodded. “I told you it was cool, B.”

“I know, but this trip was supposed to be something else,” she lowered her voice so my twin brother, Malcolm, wouldn’t hear her.

If Mac knew she was trying to change my mind at the last minute, he’d lose his shit. They took off a week from work to go to Ocean City with me. Our late dad left my brother and me a house out there. As a child, our summers were spent at Ocean City until he passed away four years ago.

Each summer was dedicated to a renovation project. Some were small and other’s weren’t. The last time we were all there, we updated the kitchen. He made us promise to continue the tradition once he was diagnosed with liver cancer. Between grieving and life, regretfully, we’d neglected the beach house over the years. Shortly after Pop’s passing, Mac got married and became a father. Meanwhile, I was trying to get settled into my career as a gym teacher and part-time fitness instructor. Thankfully, Pops had friends in Ocean City who checked on the house regularly for us. 

“B, y’all are good. It’s only a week. By the time we finish cleaning the house, it’ll be time for y’all to come back home.”

Bella nodded, then ran her hands down her hips. She was taking my breakup harder than me. Before she and my brother got married, she was the girl next door who my dad adored. Her parents and Pops were best friends. Since we were twelve, Bella, Mac, and I were thick as thieves. I had a crush on her for like two seconds in high school. Deep down, I knew she would end up with Mac. It was something about their chemistry that was enviable. Mac made her smile without trying, and she softened my brother’s cold heart.

“Are we ready?” Mac asked with their five-year-old daughter, Kennedi, on his heels. 

“Yeah, I’m ready to play in the sand with Uncle X,” she stated matter-of-factly. 

Reaching for her hand, I kneeled down and kissed it. “We’ll be there before you know it, kiddo.” She ran back into their house, and I stood up. “We should be all set,” I told my brother.

He nodded. “Good. It’s almost seven. We need to get over the Bay bridge. I’m not trying to be in traffic.”

“Babe, relax,” Bella told him, running her hand down his arm. 

I rolled my eyes before opening the passenger door for her to get in the truck. A few seconds later, Kennedi came running outside with her doll tucked under her arm. I opened the door for her, and she climbed into her booster seat, pulling her seatbelt across her lap. I kissed her forehead before closing the door. Mac waited for me to get into my truck, then backed out of their driveway. 

For the next hour and a half, I tried to drown out my thoughts by blasting Jay-Z, J. Cole, and Kendrick Lamar. I was still coming to grips with how drastically my life had changed in just three months. My grip on the steering wheel tightened as memories of my wedding day came to mind. The pained look in Mac’s eyes when he had to deliver the news to me that my bride cheated on me with her ex, still fucked with me. I was torturing myself by going through with our honeymoon plans, but I couldn’t think of a better time to get away than now. 

Mac waved his hand out of the window, letting me know we were making a stop. I figured it was because baby girl had to use the bathroom, but when he parked and Bella got out and ran inside like the speed of light, I chuckled. Unbuckling my seatbelt, I went to check on Kennedi, who was fast asleep. 

“I told B’s ass not to drink that whole liter of water,” Mac groused, looking at me over his shoulder. “She couldn’t wait twenty more minutes? We’re right here,” he said, holding out his hands.

I laughed after kissing Kennedi on the forehead. “What’s the rush, bro? We aren’t starting any projects until the morning, anyway.”

“Yeah, but we might have to hit up a hardware store tonight, though.”

“Just relax, man. This is somewhat of a vacation for you too.”

Mac shrugged, then drummed his thumbs on the steering wheel.  A beat passed before he spoke again.

“How you doing, man? I can’t even begin to understand what you must be feeling right now.” He paused and looked at me through the rearview mirror. I closed the door and he met me at the trunk. 

It was rare for us to share moments like this. Mac was like our pops. He didn’t share his feelings with anyone aside from Bella. And he damn sure wasn’t the person I ran to when I needed to vent. He’d never admit it, but he was just as emotional as I was, only he handled it worse than I did. His answer was always to act, and in this case, there wasn’t anything he nor I could do. I had to ride this out. 

“I’m good,” I said, looking straight ahead.

Mac looked into the truck and checked on Kennedi, then back to me. “Cut the shit. I know you’re still messed up about it. I mean, you were head over heels for her. I’d never seen you like that.” He bit the inside of his cheek and sighed. 

I knew Bella told him to check on me. “I know me and my crew tagging along isn’t what you had in mind.”

“I couldn’t think of a better group of people to spend the week with,” I told him.

He nodded, then headed back to the driver’s seat. Shortly after, Bella returned with a bag of snacks. “Really, babe?” Mac asked with furrowed brows.

“What? There isn’t food at the house, and I am hungry.” Turning to check on their daughter, Bella smiled. “When she wakes up, she will be hungry too.”

Mac shook his head, then turned on the car. “If you say so.”

About thirty minutes later, we pulled up at our two-story beach house. A tightness formed in my chest as I thought back to the last time we were here. Mac must’ve sensed my mood because he placed his hand on my shoulder and sighed. Shortly after, Kennedi came and grabbed my hand. I looked down at her and smiled.

The house desperately needed a power wash, and the yard needed flowers. Pops was probably turning in his grave right now. The house looked pitiful, especially next to Mr. Davis's perfectly mowed lawn. 

“Kenny and I will start planting flowers tomorrow. But for now, we need to make a grocery list,” Bella said from behind us. She stalked past us with a few bags in her hands. Kennedi dropped my hand and followed behind her mother.

“I guess we’ll head to Ace’s after we unload the trucks,” Mac said to me.

I nodded and pulled my gaze away from the house. I still couldn’t believe Pops was gone, and knowing I was supposed to be here with my wife and stepson added to my pain. For a few more minutes, I stared at the house. Every memory we made in this house crossed my mind in an instant. There was a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach. I hadn’t felt like this since watching Pops get lowered into the ground. 

The front door flew open, and Kennedi came charging toward me.

“Uncle X, when are we going to the beach?” she asked, yanking on my arm.

“Tomorrow, baby. Me and your dad have some work to do today.”

Kennedi stomped her foot and her lips turned downward. I smiled at how cute she was when she was being bratty. The sound of Bella’s footsteps made Kennedi fix her attitude.

“Kenny, didn’t I tell you to leave your uncle alone,” Bella said, with her purse on her shoulder. “Come on. We’re going to the grocery store. X, is there anything you want me to get?”

My mind was still preoccupied with memories of me, Pops, and Mac spending our summers here. Tearing my gaze from Kennedi, who was now leaning into my side, I looked at Bella. Her eyebrows furrowed and eyes glossed over with tears. Shaking my head, I sighed.

“I’m good, B.”

She nodded and reached for Kennedi’s hand. Once they were down the road, I finally headed inside. The house smelled stale and was hot. Slowly, I walked through the living room and into the kitchen. Everything looked the same. 

“I didn’t think it would feel this weird,” Mac said from behind me.

I nodded, then heaved a sigh. “Yeah,” I mumbled.

“He would be happy to know we kept the house, though. I’m not gonna lie, I wanted to sell it. I wanted no parts of this house without him.”

After Pops passed, Mac suggested selling the house once. Bella quickly shut that down and he hadn’t said anything about it since. I realized he wanted to get rid of the house to make the grieving process easier for him. We handled Pops’ death differently. It was hard for both of us, but Mac seemed more angry than sad. His way of handling the loss was to do away with anything that would make him think of Pops. 

There was nothing that reminded us about Pops more than this house. 

When we were five, he rented this house for two weeks. The following summer, the owners told him they were going to sell it. We weren’t rich, but Pops made a way to buy the house. He always made a way for us. Mac and I never wanted for anything. For nearly twenty years, the beach house had been our escape. Without him, it hardly felt like an escape. Right now, it was a painful reminder that he was no longer with us.

I thought bringing my family here would ease my pain. When I first told Sami about spending our honeymoon at the beach house, she was excited. She knew how much the beach house meant to me and I was looking forward to creating new memories with her and Evan. 

I met Sami last year at “back to school” night. Evan had become one of my favorite students and it turned out that I was his favorite teacher. The moment I met Sami, I was inexplicably enamored with her. We dated for a few months before I proposed. In a short amount of time, they’d found their way into my heart.

For four years, I’d avoided the house, but with her and Evan by my side, I was ready. They came into my life at a time when I was missing Pops most. The first two years after he passed, I was numb. I tried everything I could to get back to myself. Things like, counseling, church, meditation; you name it, I did it. Watching Mac move on with his life made me feel alone. We spent our entire lives attached at the hip. It was the first time I realized we were heading down separate paths.

“I didn’t understand at first, but I get it now. This house is him.”

“Exactly. I feel his presence. It’s weird, man.” Mac’s head hung low. “Let’s do a walkthrough and see what else needs to be done aside from the living room.”

After taking a deep breath, I followed Mac upstairs to view the rest of the house.